MORBID ANGEL - too extreme!!!

7.9.

I have never been a big death metal fan.

Often even the best death metal bands make somewhat monotonous albums (in the fear of being called posers, perhaps?). This can be a hindrance if you are trying to make captivating compositions. Listening to Deicide and Suffocation (which are not bad bands, at all) I figured death metal was not for me - surely there are differences between the different tracks, but I could not fully enjoy the albums as I did not understand them - because I am a cretin, probably). But my attitude changed when I heard Formulas Fatal to Flesh. I could hear fast, mean blastbeats but also heavy, doomy songs in between. And the guitar solos (especially that second one on Prayer of Hatred) is so goddamn weird my brain gets twisted ev'ry time I hear it. So I thought, okay, there is one death metal album I can hear the nuances in different songs and I loved more or less all of it (well, except those three redundant midi trickery tracks in the end). Then I checked Altars, Blessed and Covenant and I was converted. Especially Blessed was an exceptional album for me. Domination is ok I guess, Formulas is still my favourite, Gateways and Heretic aren't half bad either in my opinion, though a far cry from the early albums.

Look mommy! The third one on the left... Is that Unca Herbie?

So far so good. For a long time we anticipated the next album, starting obviously with the letter I since MA has a military decision in giving names to their records. (A-B-C... well yeah, I guess you know your alphabets). There was even this bootleg floating around, by the name of Ignominious, I believe. Then we heard David Vincent was coming back and the expectations grew beyond all bounds of sanity (though I must be a heretic since I love Formulas (no David Vincenton that one) best). And what we received was something my mind still refuses to conceive.

God damn, who left the oven on???

Let's begin with the good things in Morbid's latest album. The final track is great. Because when you hear it you know you might just survive to the ending... The album is an atrocity, a freak of nature suffering in its dying pains and should be put out of its misery. I have never liked industrial music (though I respect a few bands on the field... like Ministry), but Illud Divided In Anus is something, as Monty Python used to put it, completely shittier... erm, different. I do not oppose trying new things out, but come on... THIS IS RIDICULOUS! If you do such a drastic turn, please, PLEASE, make it a good one! Oh the humanity, THINK OF THE CHILDREN! It is like the ultimate joke - "Instead of making at least a tolerable, safe comeback album, let's make something people will never get over!" Literally, this cd leaves brown stains inside your player. I would probably choose the new Justin Bieber single with 12 different remixes of the same hit song over this album.

Oh the dark lord... World of Shit is truly here, your travest... erm, majesty!

Now, to make the joke funnier they decided to make a deluxe box set of this travesty including - no, I ain't kidding - a whole goddamn altar you can pray on while listening to the ugliest, hairy and whimpering death metal album ever. Well, count me in to send you death metal gods a prayer of hatred for this release. Nothing could be worse than this, right? Right? Oh, god of metal and death, please tell me nothing can be worse???

Fall on your knees and bow to the GOD... of shittiness

Oh, there can STILL be something worse. This year, to complete the joke, they decided to great - wait for the punchline - A DOUBLE-DISC EDITION FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH REMIXES OF THIS.... BEAST! What could top off tracks as hideously perverted as "Too Extreme" and "Radikult" on the same goddamn album? I tell you what, how about THREE RADIKULTS AND SIX TOO EXTREMES!!! With a bunch of other deformed abominations included. (I believe they'll released this one soon in a deluxe edition that includes an inflatable Church where you can worship this masterpiece while shit is pouring on you from the altar... of madness!)

What do you get when you freshly remix the rotten-to-the-core ingredients?

For a long time I did not understand this at all. But now I see what they are after. Morbid Angel is no more the greatest death metal band of all time. They are the greatest group in comedy - they had some tough competition by other professional comedians, but finally, this double-disc set of remixes gives them the lead. Watching Monty Python there was this one joke, the deadliest one in the world, we never got to hear. I always wanted to know that it was... Well, you should be careful what you wish for.